OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
