We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
