it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
