i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
