I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
