I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
