those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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