if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
