ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
