We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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