So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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