About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
