Three words: puerto rican gang bang
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize