we're blogging at a bar
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
