honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
