Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Im part way to drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
