I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
