so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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