how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh god it's open bar.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
