dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize