I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
