Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
