do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
