You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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