I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
