she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
