I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
