There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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