a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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