I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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