New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
