we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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