I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
