As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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