I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
