You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
