It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
