i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
