we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
