her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
