I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's rum buckets o'clock
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
