did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
