I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
