take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
