it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They took my balls.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
