It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
