Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize