shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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