did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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