Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
