just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
