I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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