My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
