my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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