you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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