could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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