i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
