Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
