wanna go halves on a baby?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We need to get me chipped asap
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
