Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
