I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
