So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
