How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
