My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
