3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have aggressive nipples.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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