Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
